


Our Last Chance (To Do This Right)

by painted_in_ink



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21585733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painted_in_ink/pseuds/painted_in_ink
Summary: She gripped her saber as they stared at each other from across the tilted room, reminiscent enough of the throne room from so long ago when he broke her heart.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	Our Last Chance (To Do This Right)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on tumblr posts by mrspettyferr and athinkingmagpie about the new footage of Rey swinging at Ben in the Death Star throne room... and a few great comments.
> 
> Enjoy!

She gripped her saber as they stared at each other from across the tilted room, reminiscent enough of the throne room from so long ago when he broke her heart.

He keeps trying to bargain with her. First out there, in here. In her mind when she wants to sleep.

He’d been at it for weeks.

  
  


_It will benefit everyone it they do it this way. Save everyone from what’s coming,_ he says, in between chasing her down from place to place on this decimated old structure.

_Fighting like this will only lead to our destruction. We should work together,_ _do what’s best for the Resistance right now._

  
It’s nothing but First Order propaganda. He’s nothing _but_ a _t_ _raitor_. A traitor and a _liar._

  
  


The room tunnels and she sees through a blur, but she refuses to believe it’s tears.

  
  


She can’t hear the crashing waves outside, doesn’t feel the scattered spray that still trickles in and manages to hit her neck and shoulders. She can’t hear their labored breathing or his desperate pleas.

  
  


The one and only thing that she understands at the moment is pain.

  
  


The _pain_ of his betrayal, the hurt that she felt when he _abandoned_ her in front of Snoke’s corpse. Chose to leave her at the crossway for a path she couldn’t follow.

It _claws_ and it _clenches_ inside her chest until it shreds the last bit of self-awareness and control she had for the majority of this fight. 

She thought she was here on behalf of the resistance, that she was fighting for their side and for the good of the galaxy. She was so, unbelievably wrong.

It is so much easier... So much easier to be angry instead of _hurt_.

  
  


_Yeeeeessssss,_ she can almost here it say, as if her emotions can agree with her.

Her vision turns blinding white, then _red_.

Fury crackles loose inside of her and she swings at him, careless that he’s unarmed. She thinks he says her name. She hacks and slashes while he dodges and she becomes feral on the inside, something she hadn’t felt since the fight on Starkiller Base.

An instinct she’s avoided since despite all the frustrations she’s had on her journey, every difficult event since she’s worked through for the resistance.

_Kill him,_ she remembered the voice saying. 

She feels the slightest ripple of fear at that, but it’s too late. It’s already loose and she couldn’t contain it if she tried. 

  
  


She roars.

She swings again and he catches, capturing her wrist just under where it grips the saber. She strikes again and he catches quickly, placing her other arm in a hold. She yanks but he doesn’t yield, using just enough force to keep her there.

She’s trapped against his center, forced to look up at him, even though that’s the last thing she wants to do. He’s not wearing any of the expressions she would have expected when he looks at her. He’s loving, calm, and _sorrowful._ He says her name again. She instantly feels broken and it terrifies her.

She lurches back and kicks, sending him down on his back. The incline pulls him downhill and prevents him from standing before she reaches him, not that it would have mattered.

He’s still not trying to defend himself.

She stands over him and raises her saber over her head to strike, then she hesitates.

He bravely stares her down, with eyes like he sees her and knows the truth, and she can’t handle it. He’s not afraid. He’s not even _mad._ All she sees is _compassion_ directed at her and it sends all her confused emotions spiraling down into guilt. And remorse. And shame.

Even under the guise of ending the war, even through the mask of her pain she just wouldn’t kill him. Couldn’t. Because _she’s_ _just like him_. And if she did she would be removing the only person who even has the ability to understand.

With a growl that is half snuffed out by the tears that threaten to fall, she drops her arms. Confusion wars on her face before she sends her saber flying off to the side, uncaring when it sinks into the wall unhindered until it reaches the hilt.

She backs away and yells, then takes a few steps more to turn and cry.

She sinks to her knees. She can do nothing.

And impossible, difficult decision, and she can do nothing. She can’t look at him and see a villain without seeing herself. They are the same. He’s broken her without even lifting a finger.

She feels lost knowing that they cannot exist in the same universe without constantly being aware of each other. Always being brought to the same precipice where the boundary lines become so thin, even at opposite sides of the peak.

She can’t tell anymore what’s right and what’s wrong. 

She only knows now that pretending _won’t work_.

She’s startled when gentle arms pull her from her thoughts. 

She turns numbly to find him kneeling beside her. Even now, their _bond_ is strong and open, and all her last defenses are crumbling, unable to keep it away.

She finds herself admitting the truth she wouldn’t even speak to herself.

“This rage is tearing me apart,” tears spill down her face as she finally searches his free of guilt, knowing he’ll understand before he confirms it.

His eyes are pained and empathetic. “I know.”

“Everyone keeps telling me they know me,” he turns her head into his chest to hold her as she finishes, “No one does.” 

“But I do.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Couldn’t find it in my heart to resist writing this🥰
> 
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
